God is wrecking my life

I am being forced to blog. Yes that's right. Forced. I can turn a five minute testimony into a forty five minute life story without batting an eye, but they had to twist my arm to get me to do this. Yeah right. (I also have to write a support letter, which is another thing that I thoroughly dislike.) There is just something not fun about writing letters and asking people for money. Does anybody else feel this way? But it gets better! I also have to make phone calls to the people on my "support list" and have casual conversation! Not only will I send you an email or a letter to your house asking you for money, but I will also call you on the phone and ask you if you got what I sent you and "Hey so are you going to give me money or what?" This makes me horribly uncomfortable. Not to complain. The person on the receiving end probably feels the same -- "Jesus, how would you tell her to get lost?" I just wish there was a more comfortable way of approaching the whole thing.  Aghhh!! I mean, if I was writing to you, sending you a letter about some ministry I was involved in and asking you to support me, well -- how would I do it without making you uncomfortable or coming across as a free-loader? Any advice? Is there a right way to do this, or is it destined by God to be one of those dreaded tasks that you just have to get on and get over with? Now exiting the pity party.... zooom! 

Now entering rapid subject change in a totally opposite direction... I was checking out this blogspot thing, trying to find a little inspiration to get started. Everybody and their brother has a blog. It's hard to find stuff worth reading. I don't wanna just get on here and write about what I ate for breakfast. I don't want it to be like my diary either -- you know "Dear diary, today I decided to wear my blue shirt..."  I want it to make you think. I want you to think that I'm thinking. There's this blog on here called "Stuff Christians Like". It made me laugh so hard. It's real -- funny and sarcastic but true. Today's entry was about those fish stickers that are synonymous with being a christian -- or at least being a christian and driving a car (funny thing, but I never notice those fish until some car cuts me off in traffic and I have to bite my tongue to keep from cursing -- and then I see that little guy just hanging out on the window. Hmmm. This is the reason I wouldn't put one of those on my car -- that way if I cut you off in traffic you can't blame Jesus!). Christians are such quirky people sometimes. Oh the blogger's name is Prodigal John. Good stuff -- that Christians like. 

This blog is about my life and how I have been wrecked. Wrecked for normal. This is a good thing. I used to think that the older I got the more I would figure out about life. But it's not true. The older I get the less I know. I can't stand it. I can't figure God out. He seems to enjoy just blowing my mind and totally pulling the rug out from under me. He won't stay in church where He's supposed to. He pops up in all these places in my life that I was keeping just for me. And I keep trying to tell Him this, but He never gives me the answer I want. I am really good at following directions, and I can take a plan and run with it. I do great if I have the whole path laid out in front of me and someone simply says "Here you go, get it done." I can handle that. I can handle someone who answers all my questions and lets me deal with it in whatever way I need to. But He won't. He doesn't say anything to me unless I just come and want to visit. He doesn't respond to my questions. He doesn't give me "The Plan". He just wants to hang out. One thing that my culture has failed to train me for is real relationship. He asks me to grow in exactly the thing that is the most difficult. Why can't He just stay in my quiet time like He's supposed to? Why does He want to wreck my life for normal?